An Important Message From the Prime Minister

Published on October 13, 2004 By Champas Socialist In Politics

Several weeks ago I composed a victory speech for John Howard, when it looked like he would win. It seems appropriate to post it now. I include how the audience reaction would have played out should he have chosen to adopt my speech. But look, I may be indulging in a little hyperbole (exaggeration) here, or maybe I’m not. Take it how you want to take it. Except FishHead. I want you to be outraged, FishHead and yell abuse at me. Fire up Fishboy!

This speech is what John Howard would have said if he were going to fulfill the Defence Chiefs’ demands for truth in Government. Once again, John lied his way to victory. I must say that as a student of rhetoric, I have great admiration for him. He is as brilliantly manipulative as Goebbles. (FishHead, are you crafting that delightful response yet? We all sit here eager with anticipation.).

“My fellow Australians of British descent . Today is a monumentally historic moment in the Commonwealth of Australia’s history. Today is a day we can celebrate because the people who were born to rule have triumphed. We have triumphed over the axis of evil that is Mark Latham, Bob Brown and Osama bin Laden.

There are so many people to thank.

I’d like to thank God for keeping the dream alive every weekday morning on the radio.

I’d like to thank my policy adviser. Pauline, you’re a wonder. The Queen of Ipswich. The Queen of our Hearts . And Mike, you and I have helped the image of geeks everywhere.

I’d like to thank the ALP for making it acceptable to abolish ATSIC , for allowing me to play on the Aryan ideals of a nation full of people who know exactly what to do about Aborigines through their immense intuition.

I’d like to thank JI for putting the fear of terrorism back into the forefront of the voters’ minds. Thanks guys, I couldn’t have done it without you. .

I’d like to thank the Tampa refugees from 3 years ago who helped me revive traditional Australian racism and xenophobia.

We must always remember that this nation was founded upon racism. We must always remember what racism has achieved for us as a nation. We must always be conscious that Australia is a great nation because of its racism.

Would Edmund Barton and Henry Parkes have had the vision to create an Australian Parliament were it not for their bigotry? We must remember that one of the first laws this great nation ever passed after Federation was the White Australia Policy. Without that impetus to create an Australian nation, where would we be today? This Government has seen Australia return to traditional Australian values of White Australia and Aboriginal assimilation.

The loony left would lead us into a dark world of not mere racial tolerance, but worst of all, cultural appreciation. They would have Australians practise ridiculously unAustralian values such as peace. I ask you ... when has peace ever done anyone any good?

During this campaign, The Labor Party talked a lot about honesty. I ask you, what is honest about pretending to like black people? In fact let’s get rid of this politically correct rubbish. Coons. That’s what they really are. Coons! .

Of course, I have not been alone in helping Australians stay brave and true. My racist values have also been embodied by our Commonwealth Minister for Non-White People, Amanda Vanstone, and the Minister before her, Phillip “the undertaker” Ruddock. Phillip, it is your incredible sense of ironic humour that I admire, particularly when you would wear an Amnesty International badge as you wrote laws that contravened international human rights laws. The symbolism of wearing Amnesty’s barbed wire logo was not lost on any of us.

Alexander Downer, in the 1980s I called for a slowing down to Asian immigration. Thanks to you, Alexander, we won’t need to implement this as policy. Thanks to your threatening the Asians, we can now truly say what right-minded Asian would want to come here anyway?

Fellow Anglo-Australians, finally I thank you. It is the spirit of Australia that has brought about this great election victory. I am truly humbled. Heil!”

Come on FishHead, bring it on!

Comments

Phoenixboi

on Oct 13, 2004

Champas that was brilliant!!!! Well done mate. I could just see him standing and saying that right now.. and you know... I dont think many people would bat an eyelid. Great article an insightful from me!

Toblerone

on Oct 13, 2004

I was about to write "you forgot to put 'heil'" on the end of it" and then I noticed it. Great minds think alike. Brilliant.

Now to buying a ticket to New Zealand.....

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