It’s when summer comes around that the state I call home, Queensland, starts to feel like some backwater from a movie about toothless murderers. Or sometimes it feels like I’m in some weird timewarp, where the rest of the world is going through the sexual revolution and anti-Vietnam war protests and we’re the conservative town that disapproves and stays the same. We’re Pleasantville.
I refer to two little things about Queensland’s summer. The first is Daylight Savings. The rest of the galaxy has embraced it with open arms. In fact, half the people I know who have it love it so much that they want to see it extended to include the winter months. I’m sure there are a couple of whingers, but I’ve never met anyone who has DS who doesn’t love it.
Now look my fellow Banana benders, I know it’s only a fairly new idea. It’s only been around a little over half a century and you should probably wait at least 100 years before you try on new-fangled ideas. But DS is such a popular idea elsewhere that I think we should maybe just this once throw caution to the wind and try on DS. Just for a few months a year, say during summer.
I know what you’re thinking. What about the curtains? Well contrary to popular myth, it will only fade your curtains slightly more than normal summer.
A French friend once asked me astonishedly why we didn’t have DS. I explained to her it was something to do with the farmers getting upset because it would confuse the cows who had to be milked at regular hours.
“But we have cows in France too you know,” she replied, confused by my Smart State logic.
Now the next thing is an all year round thing, but during summer I drink a lot more water than at other times of the year so I notice it more. Fluoride in the water. Now I can understand your fears, my fellow Pineapple Heads. We’ve all seen how many millions of Australians die every year from fluoride related diseases in towns that put fluoride into their water. It’s bad enough that they put fluoride in children’s toothpaste, but surely they don’t have to put it in the water too. Don’t we have enough to have to protect our kids from without poisoning the water system, I hear you ask. But the truth is that once your body develops a tolerance for fluoride, you should find that you only get a little sick from drinking the tap water. The occasional bout of vomiting and cooties, but generally you’ll be fine. I promise. I haven’t had to be hospitalised for fluoride overdose in at least 5 years now.