In a word: you. You are what men want. If you are talkative and opinionated, there are men who like that. If you are quiet and easy-going, there are men who like that.
There are so many articles and conversations trying to figure out “what men want” (and “what women want”). They are all f’ing ridiculous. They seem to have the idea that all men want the same thing. That would mean that all men like the same things. Well here’s some earth-shattering news: different men like different things. Otherwise we’d all be trying to marry the same person and there’d be about two and a half billion very disappointed men. It may amaze you to learn that it’s all down to taste.
Now, if you were to ask “what do the men I (meaning you) like want?”. That’s a hard question. But it’s also a useless question. If you aren’t already pretty close to what they want, then you may as well move on. You may be able to pretend to be ‘aloof’, or ‘someone who laughs at fart jokes’, or ‘good at history’, or whatever this bloke wants, for a while, but all that pretending will tire you out, you’ll drop your guard, start acting like yourself and then end up fighting with him because it turns out he doesn’t like the real you, as though this is a major surprise when you consider that your relationship was based on a lie in the first place. He didn’t actually like you, he liked the character that you played. This would be like me dating Minnie Driver because I like shy, down-to-earth Italian girls who care about animals and who take the piss out of stuck-up customers. If Minnie pretended to be that role for a while (see Return to Me), I would think I had fallen in love, but in reality, Minnie’s an American actress and probably has few of the characteristics I want. And she would get pissed off with having to pretend to be something that she’s not after a while.
A friend of mine recently highlighted this difference to me when we were discussing our luck with girls. He has had basically no luck with girls, while I have had, well, certainly my fair share and a bit more. This seems silly to me because he deserves a girl much more than I do. But recently I noticed him being very charming with a girl at a party, (giving her his coat etc) and then he made no move on her. I asked him “What’s the go? You put in all that work and then you didn’t put in the final manoeuvres. What a waste of all that effort”. And he simply told me “Well I guess that’s the difference between you and me, I just did that to be nice. I didn’t do it to put in work”. And he’s right. I often put in “work” to charm a girl who I want to have a fling with: usually someone who doesn’t really suit me. As a result, I’ve had quite a few flings with people I’m not really suited to. Lots of people do this, going through serial monogamy, often fooling themselves into thinking they’ve found love or something very deep. But really they’re just in love with love and they find someone else who wants to pretend with them. In the long run, my friend’s methods are going to lead to a more fulfilling relationship, even if he gets nowhere at parties.
So as I was saying, trying to figure out what men want is silly. If gentlemen prefer blondes, then I suppose I’m not a gentlemen. That said, I’ve dated blondes. If men prefer women who sit quietly and agree with them on everything, as I’ve heard some people suggest men do, then I guess I’m not a man. That isn’t to say I haven’t been attracted to blonde bimbos, or even had crushes on them. Hell, I’ve even dated a couple. But I wouldn’t date a bimbo for very long (at least, not again, because it was a nightmare the time I did). I probably chase more pretty bimbo girls than I do smart, compassionate, confident girls who wear purple collared shirts, but I have much better, longer, fulfilling and fun relationships with the latter. And so it comes down to what you want: a fling in which you pretend to be something you’re not and which leaves you feeling empty; or a close friend who loves you for who you are.